We stand up for values. Here’s what we believe: Gay marriage is something we just can’t conceive Of happening ever. The thought causes dread. Gay men should just marry nice women instead. If some of them marry not women but chaps, Our civilization would simply collapse. Abortion is murder. If we had our druthers, We’d jail docs who do it, and also the mothers. And research on stem cells is evil, a sin, And so is bad language, and flicks that show skin. And families other than these God forbids: A dad and a mom and two point three kids. And we support Jesus, and, oh, by the way, When we think it’s needed, some torture’s OK.