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From ‘Diary’

Marisa Crawford

December 3, 2019

I hate this sweater but I’m too cold not to wear it as a metaphor for my career.   My therapist says yes corporations take advantage of human beings’ ambitious nature.   My insurance says they will cover zero dollars for our visits.   What a thrill. I cut my finger while washing the blender at the exact second that I think of you.   We went to the protest, I bought those powder blue shoes with the green alligator on them.   Handmaid’s Tale jokes at the VMAs. Clean versions of songs. Picking out baby names for babies that will never be born.   You bought the diamond necklace for mom at the mall, you have great taste. You bought it at a store called Accessory Place.   Recurring nightmare that I missed the whole summer. Walks I took on my lunch break with Ali.   Grunge deaths. Being in the dark. Nail art. Chris Brown playing on Rihanna Spotify station.   I go into the bathroom, I say “great tits” to myself in the mirror. How can you expect your nail polish to look glossy when you don’t even put on a top coat you stupid bitch.   I was in the infant/toddler room. I was eating peanut butter & banana.   Fuming with rage at the galleria. D was like, maybe it will be our Vietnam.   I’m so sad. No one cares. Tampons with applicators. Tampons without applicators.   A maxi pad called Always. Blasting the car radio. The guy at the McDonald’s drive-thru who told you your hair was the exact same color as your eyes.

Marisa Crawford


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