–Headline in the New York Times
“With you in charge, we found a way To merchandise as Triple A Investments (solid as a rock) Securities we knew were shlock. Demands we put on AIG In retrospect could prove to be The straw that brought about, perhaps, That corporation’s near collapse And started all this awful mess. And yet, through chutzpah and finesse You’ve steered us through the risks greed poses. We came out whole; we smell like roses. To lead the big dog of The Street Nine million’s simply too petite. Nine’s not enough for you. It ain’t!”
“Nine’s fine. I’d rather show restraint.”
“But nine is surely not enough For living well. Things could get rough. To buy a decent co-op it’ll Most certainly be much too little. You know (you once got sixty-eight) That nine cannot buy real estate That’s big enough or has a view That wouldn’t just embarrass you. The houses not beyond your means Resemble basements at Filene’s. The yacht nine million dollars buys Is not a yacht of any size. And think of how The Street would snigger If Jamie Dimon’s yacht were bigger. Here’s millions more. Just nod and sign.”
“I’d rather show restraint. Nine’s fine.”
Calvin TrillinCalvin Trillin is The Nation’s “deadline poet.”