Illustration by Edward Sorel.

“Well hello, Joe, what do you know? Got any patter for my vaudeville show?” “I can’t believe you’re asking me, Ted, When that ‘nest of Muslims’ is knocking ’em dead.” “Should I reuse my carpet-bomb line— Say I’ll make the Mexican border sands shine?” “Great. Or trump that with a ‘Latino-ISIS axis’? You know—‘Isn’t that what’s driven up taxes?’” “YES!! After all, ‘Have you no decency, sir’ Has long since stopped being a slur!” [drumroll, rimshot, hook]

Prudence Crowther