Gay rights activists hold a banner reading "Homophobia – the religion of bullies" during their action in protest of homophobia, on Red Square in Moscow, Russia, on Sunday, July 14, 2013. (AP Photo/Evgeny Feldman)

“Putin signs anti-gay legislation into law.” —news reports

It’s possible a skier’d have to pray, As he zoomed down the steepest slope one day, That he did not, by accident, display A manner that those eager to obey The laws that under Putin now hold sway Might video as evidence, then say This shows with certainty that he is gay, Illegally, and must be sent away To some gay gulag, where he will decay In dungeons like the cages of Bombay.

And meanwhile Putin leads the cheers: “Let’s hear it! Let’s celebrate that grand Olympic spirit!”