Mitch Daniels Announces That He Will Not Run for President Mitch Daniels Announces That He Will Not Run for President
We bid Mitch Daniels fond adieu, And say, “Mitch, we admire you For saying that what you love best Is family, and not this quest.” Most candidates, without a doubt, Seem best to us when they drop out.
May 26, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Strauss-Kahn Lightens Gingrich’s Baggage Strauss-Kahn Lightens Gingrich’s Baggage
Yes, Gingrich, our yard-sale Don Juan, Perked up at the news of Strauss-Kahn: Compared with a rape charge, some feel, Philandering’s not a big deal: Affairs, for which Newt has repented, Involved only those who’d consented. But still his campaign’s going south: His foot still gets stuck in his mouth.
May 18, 2011 / Books & the Arts / Calvin Trillin
The Best Thing You Can Be Is CEO The Best Thing You Can Be Is CEO
“CEO Pay Exceeds Pre-Recession Level.” —Associated Press The best thing you can be is CEO. No matter what, you always get your dough. However many people out of work, You still get every single little perk. If fired, you are properly consoled, By floating ‘neath a parachute of gold. The best thing you can be is CEO. No matter what, you always get your dough.
May 11, 2011 / Books & the Arts / Calvin Trillin
Osama bin Laden Has Been Killed Osama bin Laden Has Been Killed
All cheered as the president said it. ’Midst cheering, though, some folks said, “Let it Be quite clear right now That some way, somehow, The Donald will try to claim credit.”
May 4, 2011 / Books & the Arts / Calvin Trillin
Al-Assad Al-Assad
Al-Assad An autocrat named al-Assad Decided he’d not spare the rod. His thugs kill at will, But we wonder still: What happens when he’s shot his wad? Some say his reaction is odd: They say this Assad is no clod. But he learned from pop To play the bad cop. Who knows how it ends? Maybe God.
Apr 28, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Memo to a Wall Street Highflier Memo to a Wall Street Highflier
“After Widespread Reckless Banking, Dearth of Prosecutions” —Subhead in the New York Times It’s more than likely that you caused this wreck By schemes like selling what you knew was dreck. And ordinary folks have paid the cost: Their homes are gone, their livelihoods are lost. But friends on high have guaranteed the onus Is not on you. Relax. Pick up your bonus.
Apr 21, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Bare-Bones Analysis of Tim Pawlenty’s Candidacy A Bare-Bones Analysis of Tim Pawlenty’s Candidacy
The news from Minnesota‘s Tim Pawlenty Is Tim Pawlenty‘s in New Hampshire plenty. He hopes to win in ’12, ’16 or ’20. But that’s not likely, say the cognoscenti.
Apr 17, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Yet Another Chapter in Trickle-Down Economics Yet Another Chapter in Trickle-Down Economics
“C.E.O.’s in finance, technology, energy and beyond are pulling down multimillion-dollar paychecks. What many of these executives aren’t doing, however, is hiring.” —the New York Times If you await a downward trickle, You’ve just received a wooden nickel.
Apr 14, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Corporation as Citizen The Corporation as Citizen
G.E.’s Strategies Let It Avoid Taxes Altogether —Headline, the New York Times They fix it so that you don’t have to pay Those bills that make the rest of us so stressed. Of all the good things you have brought to life, Those tax attorneys surely are the best.
Apr 7, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Donald Trump Demands That Obama Show His Birth Certificate Donald Trump Demands That Obama Show His Birth Certificate
All White House hopefuls we forewarn: You’ll have to prove that you were born. Before Trump hits the state of granite, He’ll have to tell us all the planet Upon which he was born and reared— Where loudmouths reign and hair is weird.
Mar 30, 2011 / Column / Calvin Trillin