Calvin Trillin

Verse Columnist

Calvin Trillin is The Nation’s “deadline poet.”

On the Abuse of Prisoners in Iraq On the Abuse of Prisoners in Iraq

We're told that the few rotten apples Who brought on this sordid affair'll Be punished. But what if those apples Are right at the top of the barrel?

May 13, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On the Selection (and De-Selection) of a Baathist General From the Republican Guard to Pacify the Populace, Using American Weapons, Or, Pick of the Week On the Selection (and De-Selection) of a Baathist General From the Republican Guard to Pacify the Populace, Using American Weapons, Or, Pick of the Week

By smashing evil-doers flat, we've said, This war has changed Iraq forevermore. So why is it that Kurds and Shiites start Imagining they've seen this all before?

May 6, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Not Wounded Enough Not Wounded Enough

Republicans say Kerry might have got Some wounds, but not the kind that hurt a lot. Their own man cannot ever be accused

Apr 29, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

We Were Ready We Were Ready

CHORUS We were ready-- Oh, so ready. Sure, it happened, but those were the breaks. And remember That we never, ever make mistakes.

Apr 22, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Condoleezza (“Mushroom Cloud”) Rice Explains Her Silver Bullet Theory to the 9/11 Commission Condoleezza (“Mushroom Cloud”) Rice Explains Her Silver Bullet Theory to the 9/11 Commission

Because no silver bullet could have stopped This horrifying deed from being done, We cannot blame those dozing on the job For never even loading up the gun.

Apr 15, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

I Can’t Appear Without My Nanny Dick I Can’t Appear Without My Nanny Dick

(George W. Bush explains the interview arrangements he's made with the 9/11 Commission)

Apr 8, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The 9/11 Commission Hears From Richard Clarke The 9/11 Commission Hears From Richard Clarke

When testimony came from Richard Clarke, he Inspired White House spokesmen to get snarky, Because, with words combining bite and bark, he

Apr 1, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Antonin Scalia Explains Antonin Scalia Explains

WHY DUCK-HUNTING WITH DICK CHENEY AS CHENEY'S CASE COMES BEFORE THE COURT IS PERFECTLY OK This criticism Nino calls absurd. It's true that Quackscam is an ugly word.

Mar 25, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

‘I’m an Old Cowhand,’ as Sung by George W. Bush ‘I’m an Old Cowhand,’ as Sung by George W. Bush

(With apologies to Johnny Mercer)

Mar 18, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On Whether the Martha Stewart Guilty Verdict Carries Implications for Those Involved in Prewar Intelligence Gathering On Whether the Martha Stewart Guilty Verdict Carries Implications for Those Involved in Prewar Intelligence Gathering

When federal authorities come by, It's criminal if you concoct a lie. The Feds don't think that lies are okey-dokey. Will Chalabi, then, soon be in the pokey?

Mar 11, 2004 / Column / Calvin Trillin

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