One Bush Scenario One Bush Scenario
With Democrats he must entice, he Has proven good at making nicey. So now, if everyone relaxes, He'll sharply cut all rich folks' taxes And help the oil biz and tobacco And nominate some right-wing wacko As Justice--qualified, he'll promise, Like Daddy did with Clarence Thomas. The Democrats will fold in batches, And light cigars with White House matches.
Feb 8, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Wiesel Words Wiesel Words
Is there a more contemptible poseur and windbag than Elie Wiesel? I suppose there may be. But not, surely, a poseur and windbag who receives (and takes as his due) such grotesque d...
Feb 1, 2001 / Column / Christopher Hitchens
No Olive Branch No Olive Branch
How many times did we hear during the endless campaign that Bush wouldn't go after abortion if elected? Republicans, Naderites and countless know-it-alls and pundits in between a...
Feb 1, 2001 / Column / Katha Pollitt
Lessons Drawn From the Marc Rich Pardon Lessons Drawn From the Marc Rich Pardon
As proven by this pardon, Two facts of life prevail: The rich have got the money And everything's for sale.
Feb 1, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Which Way W.? Which Way W.?
As the proverbial curtain rises on the Bush era in national politics, it's hard to know just how pessimistic progressives should be about the new President's aims and intentions....
Jan 26, 2001 / Column / Eric Alterman
From San Juan Hill to Chengue From San Juan Hill to Chengue
He had a busy finale, didn't he, primarily saving his own hide and issuing pardons: eeny meeny miny mo, Marc Rich yes, Leonard Peltier no. In Rolling Stone he called for an end t...
Jan 26, 2001 / Column / Alexander Cockburn
The Beat The Beat
AGAINST FORGETTING George W. Bush's inauguration went less smoothly than the GOP would have liked, as thousands of activists filled the streets of Washington to protest Bush's disp...
Jan 26, 2001 / Column / John Nichols
Adieu (Sort of) to Bill Clinton Adieu (Sort of) to Bill Clinton
We'd say goodbye to Clinton, Bill, Who always was a rascal, still Accomplished much, before he tripped (He couldn't keep his trousers zipped) And after, too. His gifts were g...
Jan 26, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Hello Larry, Thanks! John Hello Larry, Thanks! John
After a bruising fight fopr the presidency, George W. Bush is stocking his cabinet with figures from the far right, none more so than John Ashcroft.
Jan 18, 2001 / Column / Katha Pollitt
The Only King We Have Is Jesus The Only King We Have Is Jesus
(A newly unearthed gospel song credited to John Ashcroft) As I told the Bob Jones students, Seated white and black apart, This nation is unique, not like the rest. As I faced those godly youngsters, I told them from the heart Just why this land will always be the best: The only king we have is Jesus. And I feel blessed to bring that news. The only king we have is Jesus. I can't explain why we've got Jews. So because our king is Jesus, I'm often heard to say, Our kids should pray to Him each day in class. If some kids just stay silent, That's perfectly OK. But they'll all be given Jesus tests to pass. The only king we have is Jesus. That's the truth we all perceive. The only king we have is Jesus So Hindus may just have to leave. Now Jesus hates abortion, 'Cause Jesus loves all life. They call it choice; it's murder all the same. The killers must be punished-- The doctor, man and wife. We'll execute them all in Jesus' name. The only king we have is Jesus. It's Jesus who can keep us pure. The only king we have is Jesus. And He's Republican for sure. The homosexual lifestyle Could make our Jesus weep. He loathed their jokes about which cheek to turn. Yes, Jesus came to teach us With whom we're supposed to sleep. Ignore that and you'll go to Hell to burn. (Final chorus sung in tongues:) Tron smleck gha dreednus hoke b'loofnok Frak fag narst fag madoondah greeb. Tron smleck gha dreednus hoke b'loofnok Dar popish, flarge dyur darky, hebe.
Jan 18, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin