Deep in the Heart of Texas Deep in the Heart of Texas
George W. Bush's and Dick Cheney's 'hearts' are in the right place.
Jan 18, 2001 / Column / Christopher Hitchens
The Only King We Have Is Jesus The Only King We Have Is Jesus
(A newly unearthed gospel song credited to John Ashcroft) As I told the Bob Jones students, Seated white and black apart, This nation is unique, not like the rest. As I faced those godly youngsters, I told them from the heart Just why this land will always be the best: The only king we have is Jesus. And I feel blessed to bring that news. The only king we have is Jesus. I can't explain why we've got Jews. So because our king is Jesus, I'm often heard to say, Our kids should pray to Him each day in class. If some kids just stay silent, That's perfectly OK. But they'll all be given Jesus tests to pass. The only king we have is Jesus. That's the truth we all perceive. The only king we have is Jesus So Hindus may just have to leave. Now Jesus hates abortion, 'Cause Jesus loves all life. They call it choice; it's murder all the same. The killers must be punished-- The doctor, man and wife. We'll execute them all in Jesus' name. The only king we have is Jesus. It's Jesus who can keep us pure. The only king we have is Jesus. And He's Republican for sure. The homosexual lifestyle Could make our Jesus weep. He loathed their jokes about which cheek to turn. Yes, Jesus came to teach us With whom we're supposed to sleep. Ignore that and you'll go to Hell to burn. (Final chorus sung in tongues:) Tron smleck gha dreednus hoke b'loofnok Frak fag narst fag madoondah greeb. Tron smleck gha dreednus hoke b'loofnok Dar popish, flarge dyur darky, hebe.
Jan 18, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
On Passing Up Marc Racicot for Attorney General in Favor of John Ashcroft On Passing Up Marc Racicot for Attorney General in Favor of John Ashcroft
This Racicot seemed like Bush's sort of guy: Pro-life, he thought that killers ought to fry. Though right-wing to the core in many ways, He was, the Christian right said, soft...
Jan 11, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Right Stuff The Right Stuff
It was one of those odd little paragraphs that leap out at you, so filled with unexpected images it was. "What would Al Sharpton do if Bush calls him?" inquired Peter Noel in a r...
Jan 11, 2001 / Column / Patricia J. Williams
Thirteen Days of Our Lives Thirteen Days of Our Lives
In the aftermath of the Iran/contra crisis, one of the networks decided to make a docudrama about the life of Ollie North, loosely based on a biography by Ben Bradle Jr. Its prob...
Jan 11, 2001 / Books & the Arts / Eric Alterman
Different Players, Same Game Different Players, Same Game
But hold! Isn't it the demand of enlightened people that all within these borders have a right to work without being hassled by the INS or kindred state agency? You can argue whe...
Jan 11, 2001 / Column / Alexander Cockburn
Powell’s Secret Coup Powell’s Secret Coup
The coronation of Colin Powell will probably not be interrupted by any of the specific questions about his mediocre and sometimes sinister past that were so well phrased by David C...
Jan 5, 2001 / Column / Christopher Hitchens
Happy New Year Happy New Year
A cold snowy start to the new year, the first day of the new millennium. Not the fun one with champagne at the Pyramids and the all-night, round-the-globe pseudoprofundities and ...
Jan 5, 2001 / Column / Katha Pollitt
These Messes Are What Deregulation Gets Us These Messes Are What Deregulation Gets Us
We do need government regulation—not to build socialism but to save capitalism.
Dec 26, 2000 / Column / Robert Scheer