Fully Booked Fully Booked
Trump, at the southern border, says to would-be immigrants, “We’re full.” —News reports “We’re full,” Trump said, as if he ran An inn that’s booked up for the night. Those empty ro…
Apr 15, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Odd Reasoning Odd Reasoning
“Trump to cut millions in aid to 3 Central American countries.” —The Washington Post The surge of migrants comes from countries where Conditions are, to say the least, adverse. So…
Apr 4, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Low Point? Low Point?
Is what Trump said of John McCain As low as low can get? No. Knowing Trump, it’s likely that We ain’t seen nothing yet.
Mar 28, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The College-Admissions Scandal The College-Admissions Scandal
Admissions advantages rich kids enjoy Were hardly sufficient for one wealthy faction. Through cheating and bribing they paid to create Their very own form of affirmative action.
Mar 21, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Who’s the Dummy? Who’s the Dummy?
A wall, Trump says, will keep us safe From every scary Guatemalan. And count on Fox to back him up, Like Pravda always backed up Stalin. But Pravda got the party line That it was o…
Mar 15, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Trump’s Justification for Giving His Son-in-Law a Security Clearance Trump’s Justification for Giving His Son-in-Law a Security Clearance
A clearance for Jared’s an absolute must. Though he might be lacking the CIA’s trust, Restrictions on Jared just had to surcease, For Jared alone can bring Middle East peace. In de…
Mar 7, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Barr Becomes Attorney General Again Barr Becomes Attorney General Again
Once more you’re head of Justice, William Barr. In your career you’ve surely traveled far. But now we’re going to see just who you are: If told to fold, will you say au revoir Or w…
Feb 21, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Howard Schultz May Run for President Howard Schultz May Run for President
The Democrats have welcomed Schultz As warmly as they might Darth Vader. It’s odd: A centrist billionaire Can look exactly like Ralph Nader.
Feb 7, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
An Offer From the Oval Office to Open the Federal Government An Offer From the Oval Office to Open the Federal Government
The government opens, concluding this brawl. The fate of the Dreamers is tied to The Wall. This offer by Trump is that he would arrange What simply amounts to a hostage exchange.
Jan 24, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Presidential Negotiating Stance A Presidential Negotiating Stance
If he can’t get the wherewithal To build at once his precious wall— A wall that’s thick, a wall that’s tall, The strongest, toughest wall of all— Then to the floor he’ll surely fa…
Jan 10, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin