Deadline Poet

Lori Loughlin

The College-Admissions Scandal The College-Admissions Scandal

Admissions advantages rich kids enjoy Were hardly sufficient for one wealthy faction. Through cheating and bribing they paid to create Their very own form of affirmative action.

Mar 21, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Protester holds a Trump puppet

Who’s the Dummy? Who’s the Dummy?

A wall, Trump says, will keep us safe From every scary Guatemalan. And count on Fox to back him up, Like Pravda always backed up Stalin. But Pravda got the party line That it was o…

Mar 15, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Trump’s Justification for Giving His Son-in-Law a Security Clearance

Trump’s Justification for Giving His Son-in-Law a Security Clearance Trump’s Justification for Giving His Son-in-Law a Security Clearance

A clearance for Jared’s an absolute must. Though he might be lacking the CIA’s trust, Restrictions on Jared just had to surcease, For Jared alone can bring Middle East peace. In de…

Mar 7, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

William Barr

Barr Becomes Attorney General Again Barr Becomes Attorney General Again

Once more you’re head of Justice, William Barr. In your career you’ve surely traveled far. But now we’re going to see just who you are: If told to fold, will you say au revoir Or w…

Feb 21, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Howard Schultz is the coffee man.

Howard Schultz May Run for President Howard Schultz May Run for President

The Democrats have welcomed Schultz As warmly as they might Darth Vader. It’s odd: A centrist billionaire Can look exactly like Ralph Nader.

Feb 7, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

US Capitol vs Statue of Liberty hugging an immigrant

An Offer From the Oval Office to Open the Federal Government An Offer From the Oval Office to Open the Federal Government

The government opens, concluding this brawl. The fate of the Dreamers is tied to The Wall. This offer by Trump is that he would arrange What simply amounts to a hostage exchange.

Jan 24, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Trump speaks in Pennsylvania

A Presidential Negotiating Stance A Presidential Negotiating Stance

If he can’t get the wherewithal To build at once his precious wall— A wall that’s thick, a wall that’s tall, The strongest, toughest wall of all— Then to the floor he’ll surely fa…

Jan 10, 2019 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Ryan Zinke Holiday Party

Farewell, Ryan Zinke Farewell, Ryan Zinke

We bid adieu to Ryan Zinke. Though he may well avoid the clink, he Had ethics lapses hardly dinky. They leave that swamp aroma–stinky.

Dec 20, 2018 / Column / Calvin Trillin

John Kelly

Kelly to Leave White House Kelly to Leave White House

Brought in to end the White House mess, He had a measure of success: The ship of state has not been righted, But he himself was not indicted.

Dec 13, 2018 / Column / Calvin Trillin

sean spicer sarah huckabee sanders

Staffing the Administration Staffing the Administration

Replacing someone forced to leave Could surely be no easier. Trump looks among the folks he knows, And picks someone who’s sleazier.

Dec 6, 2018 / Column / Calvin Trillin

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