If I Knew You Were Coming, I’d’ve Baked a Cake If I Knew You Were Coming, I’d’ve Baked a Cake
(North Carolina Wedding-Cake Bakers’ Version) If I know that you’re gay, I will not bake a cake, Bake a cake, bake a cake. ’Cause I’m staying true to Jesus—that I won’t forsake. S…
Apr 7, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Late White Hope Late White Hope
Republican establishment floats Rick Perry as possible contested-convention or third-party candidate. —News reports They think that Rick might be the man They’d use to burst The Do…
Mar 24, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Selecting a Presidential Nominee Through Primaries Selecting a Presidential Nominee Through Primaries
Approval of reform was quite emphatic: Let’s let the voters vote. That’s democratic. But now a question that’s distressing looms: Could we, in fact, prefer those smoke-filled rooms…
Mar 10, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Christie as Trump’s Veep? Christie as Trump’s Veep?
If Chris and Donald form a team, Would many voters pick it? Could there be folks who might support A schoolyard-bullies ticket?…
Mar 3, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Jeb Bush’s Campaign as Sports Metaphor Jeb Bush’s Campaign as Sports Metaphor
You came to play tennis, And thus came up short. Professional wrestling Was never your sport.
Feb 25, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Trump’s Dirty Mouth Trump’s Dirty Mouth
“His backers…see his willingness to speak coarsely as yet another refreshing example of his resistance to political correctness.” —The New York Times Trump’s backers think his smut…
Feb 18, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Villain of the Month Villain of the Month
Martin Shkreli, who raised the price of a life-saving drug 5,500 percent, takes the Fifth before a congressional committee. —News reports Whose smirk enraged us on the telly? Whose…
Feb 11, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Iowa: Sweet Relief Iowa: Sweet Relief
The pollsters now have all moved on. And café patrons needn’t fear A candidate just might barge in To plead his case and smear a peer. And now it’s safe to get the phone: One needn…
Feb 4, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Late-Night Comics Welcome Back Sarah Palin Late-Night Comics Welcome Back Sarah Palin
Oh Sarah, you are truly heaven-sent. For several years we’ve wondered where you went. We’ve missed your syntax, always weirdly tangled. We’ve missed the moose you shot, or maybe st…
Jan 28, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Cruz and Trump Neck and Neck in Iowa Cruz and Trump Neck and Neck in Iowa
To colleagues, one’s a nasty piece of work. His rival is, to quote Jeb Bush, a jerk. A party rarely sees its two top leaders As simply different kinds of bottom-feeders.
Jan 21, 2016 / Column / Calvin Trillin