Solving Jeb Bush’s Last Name Problem Solving Jeb Bush’s Last Name Problem
The name that got you everything so far May leave your presidential quest destroyed. So change it! Just pick any name at all— Though Cheney is one name you might avoid.
May 20, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Joe Biden, Undiscussed Joe Biden, Undiscussed
Now, nobody talks about Joe. Remember when those in the know Said Joe had the mojo to go To primaries where he might slow The Hillary Clinton Big Mo, Despite how well she gathers dough? Now, nobody asks if he’ll throw His hat in the ring—yes or no. He’s treated as if he’s Joe Blow. Now, nobody talks about Joe.
May 13, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
One Christie Aide Pleads Guilty, Two Are Indicted in Bridgegate Case One Christie Aide Pleads Guilty, Two Are Indicted in Bridgegate Case
The Christie camp says that this isn’t a loss: With Chris in the dark, aides tried pleasing the boss. One reason that doubts about Chris haven’t eased: What was it that made them believe he’d be pleased?
May 5, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Bush as Bigfoot Bush as Bigfoot
“Bush’s considerable assets so far have done little to reshape the early polls or keep others out of the race. If anything, it’s the opposite.” —The Washington Post When Jeb’s bid was starting to kindle, The field was predicted to dwindle. Now most pols agree: How tough can he be? He can’t even scare Bobby Jindal.
Apr 29, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Marco Rubio Declares Marco Rubio Declares
By coming in the race before Jeb Bush He shows he’s not in Bush’s hands just putty. And facing Paul and Cruz, his slogan’s clear: “Vote Marco Rubio— A Tad Less Nutty”
Apr 14, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Early Returns Early Returns
Paul is first, Walker second in CPAC straw vote. —News reports Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall, Just who’s the rightmost of them all? Yes, CPAC’s survey picked Rand Paul, But Walker managed to enthrall A host of cuckoos in that hall. Can either of them, come next fall, Retain Big Mo and thus forestall The latest Bush to be on call? For he brings with him to this brawl A signed-up big-bucks cash cabal.
Mar 4, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Scott Walker, Science and Iowa Scott Walker, Science and Iowa
“When he was asked about his belief in evolution, Mr. Walker said, ‘I’m going to punt on that one.’” — The New York Times In Iowa, the GOP contains A bloc of folks convinced that Darwin’s wrong. So when the subject’s raised, it’s no surprise If every candidate is fourth and long.
Feb 25, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Libertarian Medicine From Rand Paul, MD Libertarian Medicine From Rand Paul, MD
Senator Rand Paul, a doctor, says the measles vaccine can cause “profound mental disorders.” —News reports On vaccines, Paul says that what should be conceded Is state-imposed treatment leaves freedom impeded. One hopes parents know, lest this doofus be heeded, A second opinion in this case is needed.
Feb 11, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Romney, Not Finding Donor Support, Decides Not to Run Romney, Not Finding Donor Support, Decides Not to Run
Unlimited donations make The role of fat cats truly stunning. They don’t just sway who’ll win the race. It’s up to them to pick who’s running.
Feb 4, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin
King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia
So why did we remain steadfastly loyal To this repressive, autocratic royal Whose nation’s where jihadist teachers thrive? Two hints: it’s black. Without it, cars can’t drive.
Jan 28, 2015 / Column / Calvin Trillin