A Word to George Bush On the Occasion of His Mentioning That Iraq Was Not Responsible for the Attacks on 9/11 A Word to George Bush On the Occasion of His Mentioning That Iraq Was Not Responsible for the Attacks on 9/11
You tell us, with a casual by-the-way, Iraq was not behind that awful day, As if we'd never heard your staff and you Implying just the opposite was true.
Sep 25, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Arnie Juggernaut Encounters a Committed Feminist The Arnie Juggernaut Encounters a Committed Feminist
It may not do much good to beg her To cast her vote for Schwarzenegger: His flicks, the tales make pollsters rate her A hater of the Terminator.
Sep 18, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
To Old Europe From the Last Remaining Superpower: A Polite Request for Help in Iraq To Old Europe From the Last Remaining Superpower: A Polite Request for Help in Iraq
Well, yes, we may have used the word "appease." We may have called you weenies who munch cheese. But now we're asking nicely for your aid--
Sep 11, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Short Conversation With a Sissy-Hawk on the Possibility of a Quagmire A Short Conversation With a Sissy-Hawk on the Possibility of a Quagmire
"The nerve! Not so! That word still rankles." "You're sinking. I can't see your ankles." "The thugs are here; we now just squeeze."
Sep 4, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Just Wait Just Wait
The White House said, although it wasn't true, Iraq must be invaded, PDQ, Since terrorists, who'd caught us unaware, Were with Iraq, and always gathered there.
Aug 28, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Sleep Tight: A Lullaby Sung Each Night to Osama bin Laden Sleep Tight: A Lullaby Sung Each Night to Osama bin Laden
Sleep tight. There's no one making much ado. So sleep this night, Big O--in peace, sleep through it. The folks you bombed now never mention you.
Aug 14, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
‘Sixteen Little Words’ ‘Sixteen Little Words’
(From the new musical by George Bush & Karl Rove, The Buck Stops There.)
Jul 31, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Truth Emerges, Sort Of The Truth Emerges, Sort Of
Aha! So Tenet is the guy Responsible for Bush's lie About the Niger A-bomb deal That from the start was quite unreal. The Niger lie's off Tenet's chest.
Jul 17, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Summary of Justice Antonin Scalia’s Dissent In Lawrence v. Texas A Summary of Justice Antonin Scalia’s Dissent In Lawrence v. Texas
So what if it's private, in their hacienda? It's sodomy still, and enough to offend a Respectable man, and we must never lend a Leg up to that vile homosexual agenda!
Jul 2, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Photo, With Caption, in the New York Times A Photo, With Caption, in the New York Times
Dejectedly, a man sits on the ground. The man has been detained. His hands are bound. His crime is truly simple to explain: Possessing pictures of Saddam Hussein.
Jun 26, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin