Deadline Poet

A Summary of Justice Antonin Scalia’s Dissent In Lawrence v. Texas A Summary of Justice Antonin Scalia’s Dissent In Lawrence v. Texas

So what if it's private, in their hacienda? It's sodomy still, and enough to offend a Respectable man, and we must never lend a Leg up to that vile homosexual agenda!

Jul 2, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Photo, With Caption, in the New York Times A Photo, With Caption, in the New York Times

Dejectedly, a man sits on the ground. The man has been detained. His hands are bound. His crime is truly simple to explain: Possessing pictures of Saddam Hussein.

Jun 26, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Ballad of Private Lynch The Ballad of Private Lynch

Preferring death to getting caught, She emptied weapons as she fought. Though shot and stabbed she didn't flinch. She battled on, did Private Lynch. Or did she?

Jun 19, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld And, Alas, Powell Talk To the American People Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld And, Alas, Powell Talk To the American People

They pushed the CIA to say That nukes could quickly come our way-- Saddam might, with a finger snap, Remove Chicago from the map.

Jun 12, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Report on the Search For Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, From the Republican Military Command (Karl Rove, Lt. General, Commanding) Report on the Search For Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, From the Republican Military Command (Karl Rove, Lt. General, Commanding)

We can't yet find the nukes and gas, Though we have looked in every section. But we may find them in Iran-- And just before the next election.

Jun 5, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

We’re Safe From Saddam We’re Safe From Saddam

A Joyous Song of Deliverance for Spring

May 29, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Thoughts of Those Who Served in George W. Bush’s Air National Guard Unit Thoughts of Those Who Served in George W. Bush’s Air National Guard Unit

When he lands on the deck in his flight suit To impress all the sailors he's greeting, It looks grand, but there's one thing we're thinking:

May 22, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Wal-Mart Bans Maxim, Stuff and FHM Wal-Mart Bans Maxim, Stuff and FHM

Now Wal-Mart's banned those mags for lads But so far hasn't banned the scads Of other soft-core porn on view-- Like busty dolls that do kung fu,

May 15, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit On the Revelation of William Bennett’s Gambling Habit

Bill Bennett told a grateful nation, "Be moral. Just resist temptation." By windbag airing of this thesis, Bill Bennett got as rich as Croesus.

May 8, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

On the Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, Whose Presence Was the On the Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction, Whose Presence Was the

So maybe we will find them yet, Well stashed away in some place clever. Or were they just destroyed in March? Or never there at all? Whatever.

May 1, 2003 / Column / Calvin Trillin

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