The Sinking of the USS Enron–A Free-Market Metaphor The Sinking of the USS Enron–A Free-Market Metaphor
The pirate ship has sunk beneath the waves. The swabs who haven't gone to wat'ry graves Row desperately, though all of them now know Their water and their food are running low...
Jan 17, 2002 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Lesson Learned Lesson Learned
Bush says he'd take a thousand whacks Before he'd let the income tax Of all the richest people go back up. Remember Daddy's tax-hike fix. An old dog may not learn new tricks,...
Jan 10, 2002 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Rudy Giuliani, Triumphant Rudy Giuliani, Triumphant
So Rudy is the person of the year. We join the world in offering a cheer To him--a man, some thought, was sent by heaven To guide us through the shock of 9/11. At certain tim...
Jan 3, 2002 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Dissent Dissent
Now Ashcroft says his critics aid An enemy whose plans are laid To turn our torch of liberty quite dim. So we should say, "Do what you please, Forget the usual guarantees"-- Unless, of course, the enemy is Him.
Dec 20, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
One Problem One Problem
Yes, jury trials in public are a right, Says Cheney. Then he says that in this fight No terrorist deserves that sort of trial, Though otherwise it's certainly our style. Without a trial, though, how do we decide To whom this definition is applied? We grab a guy, but is the guy we've got An undeserving terrorist or not?
Nov 29, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
The Republican Plan to Stimulate the Economy The Republican Plan to Stimulate the Economy
It's very hard to estimate Just what it takes to stimulate A corporation, but we know These people need a lot of dough, And so, if no one else objects, We'll cut them some humongous checks. But stimulating them is tough. A billion may not be enough To spur a corporation while It keeps its CEO in style. It's possible we should explore Some way that we can give them more. We may just give them all we've got: It takes a lot to get them hot.
Nov 15, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
A Few Words on the Northern Alliance A Few Words on the Northern Alliance
Nov 8, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Running Out of Targets (A Pilot’s Lament) Running Out of Targets (A Pilot’s Lament)
We're running out of targets, guys, There's nothing to destroy. They simply don't have buildings here, Like Baghdad or Hanoi. Today I sent a missile off And said, "That's all she wrote." It turned out that I'd vaporized Two camels and a goat. So let's go back to Serbia. These gunsights have to glom On something that's not rocks or sand. There's nothing here to bomb.
Nov 1, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin
Day-O, an Afghan Calypso Day-O, an Afghan Calypso
(With apologies to Harry Belafonte, among others) Bombed all night by dat Yankee bunch Daylight come and de bombers go home Now dey'll drop some cashew crunch Daylight ...
Oct 25, 2001 / Column / Calvin Trillin