Deadline Poet

My Advice for the Final Enraged Cuban-American Demonstrator in Miami My Advice for the Final Enraged Cuban-American Demonstrator in Miami

Some lessons can be learned from strife. The lesson here is: Get a life!

May 3, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Question Concerning Al Gore’s Reconsideration of the Elián González Case A Question Concerning Al Gore’s Reconsideration of the Elián González Case

Sure, in our hearts we always knew That Albert Gore would always do Whatever it might take for him to win. How come, then, that this single case

Apr 13, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Extending the Elián González Policy Extending the Elián González Policy

Yes, any Cuban kid would thrive right here. At Disney World he'd surely have a ball. And over there he lacks what we revere. So maybe we should simply snatch them all.

Apr 5, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

John McCain Is Welcomed Back to the Senate John McCain Is Welcomed Back to the Senate

Well, John, it's nice to have you back again. Your colleagues all paid close attention when You cast all those aspersions on this house.

Mar 30, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Second Thoughts Second Thoughts

So what was the matter with Kasich? And what was so bad about Dole? And why did we sour on poor Gary Bauer And find naught in Hatch to extol?

Mar 22, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Outcome of the Primaries The Outcome of the Primaries

So after the excitement fades, We end up with the norm: Both candidates are regulars Who say they're for reform.

Mar 16, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Robertson Republican A Robertson Republican

(A Gilbert and Sullivan Solo for George W. Bush)

Mar 9, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Bush Family Conversations on Retaking the White House Bush Family Conversations on Retaking the White House

The first son seemed anointed, then The tide began to ebb. Did anybody ever ask, "So could we bring in Jeb?"

Mar 2, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Theological Analysis of the South Carolina Primary A Theological Analysis of the South Carolina Primary

In Kennebunk, land of the Bushes, The men of the cloth all wore tweed. And one didn't meet any Christians Like Robertson, Falwell and Reed.

Feb 23, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Farewell, Steve Forbes Farewell, Steve Forbes

We mutter adieu now to Steve, Who finally decided to leave. We thought he might never be done With buying his place in the sun.

Feb 16, 2000 / Column / Calvin Trillin

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