Deadline Poet

Missing in Action Missing in Action

The candidates are constantly reviewed. The questions raised by analysts include: Will Pat Buchanan matter as a mauler?

Nov 18, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

The Effect on His Campaign of the Release of George W. Bush’s College Transcript The Effect on His Campaign of the Release of George W. Bush’s College Transcript

Obliviously on he sails, With marks not quite as good as Quayle's.

Nov 11, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Admiration From Afar Admiration From Afar

They like the way he's not afraid to say That money lets the fat cats get their way. They like his style, the fact he doesn't pander.

Nov 4, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Trump Bump Trump Bump

His real estate is in a slump And wifey's proving hard to dump And everyone he called a chump Would like to see him on his rump.

Oct 28, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Family Dynamics Analysis of Elizabeth Dole’s Withdrawal A Family Dynamics Analysis of Elizabeth Dole’s Withdrawal

Though Bob has said he's giddy over Liddy, He didn't do a lot to help her, did he.

Oct 28, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Thoughts About Kenneth Starr as He Leaves Office

Thoughts About Kenneth Starr as He Leaves Office Thoughts About Kenneth Starr as He Leaves Office

Some ask, “Is there a more self-righteous man?” Or “Was he really out for Clinton’s blood?” Some citizens are left with only this: “Amazing how…

Oct 21, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

More Nixon Tapes Released More Nixon Tapes Released

Among his more peculiar views, He thought all Communists were Jews. Historians must ponder how He managed to account for Mao.

Oct 14, 1999 / Books & the Arts / Calvin Trillin

On Gary Bauer’s Announcement That He Is Not Having an Affair With a Young Staff Member On Gary Bauer’s Announcement That He Is Not Having an Affair With a Young Staff Member

Could we have thought that Gary Bauer Would trifle with, perhaps deflower, A youngish person not at all his bride? Could we believe this stern avower

Oct 7, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

Adieu, Dan Quayle Adieu, Dan Quayle

Farewell, once more, J. Danforth Quayle. Although we know it's sad to fail, Remember, you were once obscure-- Considered lightweight, immature.

Sep 30, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

A Demographic Analysis of the Reform Party A Demographic Analysis of the Reform Party

This party's what diversity is all about: There's no variety of wacko that's left out.

Sep 23, 1999 / Column / Calvin Trillin

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